


raison d'etre - jeongcheol

by coopstar



Category: SEVENTEEN - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Fiction, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-06-29 01:48:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19820029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coopstar/pseuds/coopstar
Summary: strangers from distinct worlds- locked gazes as both heart rhythm becomes one. undestined wandering soul is what they are. on that rainy eclipse day, deity's plan was beyond anyone's imagination only to knot them together forever in this lifetime.





	1. prologue

Once a full moon appears on daylight, it is said that it is the day your soul will connect with your destined soulmate by the deity as a certain flower will be drawn on your nape as a tattoo which symbolizes your significant other.

What is faith? Numb is what he is, a devastated soul as of it doesn’t exist. On that rainy eclipse day, his gaze was deepening into a shadow of a stranger. Without any realization, the lily that bloomed disappeared from his nape.

He is what the mortal fear of- the reaper. Shrouded in darkness was his fate until feathers fell onto him and daffodil bloomed on the back of his neck. Little did he know of his past life was the highlight of his immortal life now.

1004- he has it since he was brought into the world of humans.

A normal childhood like other kids. 

He was happy building sandcastles with his parents’ when they went to beach. Afar, he saw a wide sky was as the same level with the deep sky- arousing his curiosity.

“It’s endless,” was what his mother said to him. 

Could a 7 year old kid predict what will unfold in his life when his father added, “Just like our love for you.”

Yoon’s empire had it all in the shape of wealth. 

Love? They thought they were brimming with it- at least that was what the long-haired boy thought.

3 luxurious meals a day and a diamond castle like house which appears in Disney cartoons which he always watched. Two well built-up men were always by him wherever he went. The big house was always occupied with greedy people.

The word, ‘friend’ has been his wonder.

Clueless boy was what he was when men in black suit barged into their house. He heard a loud sound from the opposite room after several shouts- it was his father’s voice.

He was shaking in his mother’s embrace as he shut his eye closed and his palm covered his both ears. Yes, he was terrified when his mother planted a long kiss on top of his head.

“Wait for us,” Two figures that he cherished the most in the world were hanging- strangled by a rope encircling their neck.

It was a cold morning while the sun was still shining brightly. Everything was clear and hazy.

An unfamiliar figure walked in- a man. Then, a bunch of guys were chasing a chestnut haired boy who was running for his life. 

“What are you doing, bastards?! Faster! Run after him!” The man yelled as he fixed his black coat.

A rustling sound of footsteps on the dried leaves occupied the place.

“No! Let me go! I’ll be your slave for the rest of my life! I’m begging!” The chestnut haired boy was pleading on his knees. Two men were grasping his shoulder so that he wouldn’t escape while the others were guarding around them. A river of tears were flowing down from the boy’s eye.

“You should have had that thought when my boss was giving you chances.” The man approached as he bent down on his one knee. He smirked.

“Any last wishes?” The man took out a long, shiny sword with an arrogant chuckle.

The boy closed his eye as he prayed earnestly. Would anyone save him? He was begging to the Almighty with every ounce of him but the man in front of him didn’t show a tinniest bit of sympathy.

The sword swung in the air with a great force before it slitted the boy’s neck…wait!

It’s not the chestnut haired boy who he killed now. Blood was splattering from an unfamiliar guy whose face now has turned pale.

The man is shocked until his sword fell on the ground along with his lower limb. The other guys were taken aback while the chestnut haired boy ran away.

“St…st-stop…murder-…”

“Who are you?” His hand crawled towards his cheek as he took the bleeding guy on his arms. He was trying to say something but he couldn’t- he was getting out of breath. 

Unknowingly, warm tears rolled down the man’s cheek by witnessing a dying man on his very own arm. His heart ached so badly.

“No! I’ll save you! Wait!” He carried the guy and ran as fast as he could with every remaining strength he had only to save the anonymous guy.

“Just st…stop…killing people…Seungcheol,”


	2. our path

[Present year] 

The hallway is so noisy. Students are chatting with each other and laughing. They looked so happy. Of course, they haven't seen each other for so long and now college has started. 

And then, a bunch of guys rush in and bump into someone.

"Look at where are you going, idiots!" The guys quickly bow as an apology without even looking at the guy and the other students start to whisper.

"Who does he think he is?"

"Oh my god"

"Is he gonna be like this"

"How annoying"

He glared at the crowd and they immediately dismiss. Who doesn't hate him? In the campus, people either hate or fear him. He never laughed, his stare is always as a needle penetrating into your face and no one is daring to approach him. Fortunately, it's his last year of college and almost everyone is happy about it. 

He walked down the staircase, he adjust his bag's strap hanging on his shoulder and head straight to the library. The library is quite as the cold air coming from the air conditioner hits his skin. 

He breathes in and scanned the place. 

There are only handful people so he continues walking in. He puts his dark blue colored bag on top of the table which is at the very corner and rests his head on it. 

It has been his daily routine, as soon as his class ends; he will come to the library only to get some rest. 

Once, he overslept and was locked in the library. But he didn't create a fuss and calmly went away but just by his gaze, it sent chill all over into the librarian's bones. 

An hour passed, he lifts up his head as he slowly opens his eye. Annoyance crawls up in him once he realises there is a girl on the seat opposite him. She is cupping her face, stares not escaping him. 

He hisses and grabs his bag out of anger and starts to walk away when the girl shouts.

"Can you at least please give me a chance?" 

His pace stops only for a second but the girl runs towards him and stands in front of him. He looks up as he exhales, "Move," 

"I've been chasing you for 2 years, can you look at me? Just once?"

The dark brown haired girl pleads as she approaches closer and carefully holds his hand. Once their skin touches each other, he explodes, "Go away! I don't like you and I'll never will!" 

She is taken aback. His voice is so loud and full of irritation. Before leaving he pushed her on his forehead by his finger.

"Don't be so desperate for love." Brushing up his hair with his finger, he exclaims. 

He was walking home after getting off the bus when he senses someone is following him so he slows down his pace. 

He glances behind him from time to time only to find no one is tagging along with him. He takes out the keys when he reaches home.  
Unlocking the door, he steps into his house but a voice disrupts him. 

"Mr.Yoon,"

Once he turns, he drops his head.

"How many times do I have to tell all of you?" His soft yet sarcastic tone makes them speechless. It's not like their first time handling this kind of situation. 

"But we badly need you there, Mr.Yoon."

He buries his hand into his sweatpants pocket and takes a step closer.

"I hate to repeat things Mr. Ahn."  
Mr. Ahn shakes his head out of disappointment and relaxes himself. 

"Now, can you go?!"

"We will guard you & be by your side as long as we're still breathing." 

"Then just die!!" 

A loud slam could be heard in the neighborhood. Jeonghan wakes up the next day, feeling his head throbbing but he doesn't care. After a fresh shower, he fills his stomach with toasted bread and a carton of strawberry milk. 

He glances at the clock; it shows 10:15 am. As soon as he arrives at the campus, he went straight into his first class. Others didn't come yet and it is still early. His favorite place is next to the window so as usual; he lays his head on the table— taking some rest because of his headache. He feels a finger poking his arm. With an eye still closed, he turns his head towards the owner of the finger.  
It's a guy— unfamiliar guy. Then the guy bends down the table and whispers.

"The class has started." Jeonghan immediately frowns as a response and glares him. He throws his gaze outside the window while resting his chin on his palm. The class ends and after everyone has left, he takes out his green notebook and writes down every single note from the class earlier.  
He loves to listen.  
He does seem like he doesn't care his surroundings but he listens to everything— what others say about him. 

Judgmental society. 

But he never once thought of changing himself for better. all he knows is he is being genuine to himself. And he loves gazing the sky. 

As if he's waiting for a miracle to unfold before his very own eyes. 

But still, he would deny it— saying he doesn't need anyone by him. He could take care of himself. 

One knows one's soul.

He steps outside of the campus— inhaling the fresh oxygen through his nostrils. 

He was about to lift his head only to smile at the sky when the guy earlier from the previous class approaches him.

"You're Yoon Jeonghan right?" silent is his response. 

"Here,"

The blonde guy hands him a folded paper. jeonghan exchanges his annoyed look at the paper and at the guy's face. 

When the blonde realizes an awkward silent is clouding above them, he takes a step back— frustrated.

"It’s not a love letter!"  
"I'm not interested either."

The guy gets goosebumps by how cold is his attitude. 

"I wrote notes for you from the earlier class," 

Jeonghan stops in his step and scanned the guy with an unsatisfied stare. 

"No thanks." 

Asshole is what Yoon Jeonghan is.  
Waiting at the bus station, he gazes the sky once again. His hands are buried in his sweater's pocket. 

He will never get tired of looking at the wide blue sky. 

Then he hears a man beside him saying, "Wow! It’s full moon!" 

And everyone gathers to witness it. Full moon on daytime occurs at a precise moment when the sun and the moon are aligned on opposite side of earth.

Random people around him start to smile. 

That’s what they believe— your significant other will appear enter your life. 

And that's what Jeonghan trusts. The corner of his lip twitches and a curve can be seen on his face. 

It’s a beautiful one yet no one notices it. 

As soon as he gets home, he quickly stands in front of a mirror and starts to check his nape with every might. There is no sign of any tattoo no matter how many times he observes his nape.

Foolishly, he smacks his head and looks into the reflection of himself at the mirror. 

Scrawny cheekbones, pointed nose and a pair of eyes that has sunk. As if his blood has been sucked out from his face, that's how he looks. 

He doesn't remember when the last time he checked himself in the mirror was. 

Oh! It was 2 months ago when full moon happened. Even when everything is bullshit for him, but he is waiting for that day— his soulmate will walk in his life. 

A part of his heart is still occupied by fluffy clouds. 

He pushes everyone away, making sure no one is in his vicinities because to him, he is a nuisance to others.  
Not everyone found their significant soulmate the same day as others.

Deity has written different days for different people. But, in that empty room, Jeonghan is still waiting for his turn. Never once, he has sighed over the harsh reality. 

He had witnessed his both parents took away their own life before his very own eyes— he knows life suck. In that campus, he has seen half of the students having a pretty flower tattoo on their nape which represents their other half.

Sometimes, he envies them because no one could see through him- his genuine self is as normal as others. The only difference is his soul is a tragic one.  
Quietly, he enters the fiction section in the library. 

He was searching for an interesting book to read when a blue rose tattoo on someone’s nape caught his attention. 

A light flashes on it, tempting him to touch it. He approaches the guy who is back-facing him and he reaches out his finger to touch it.

To his surprise, the guy turned around making Jeonghan to flinch and steps back.

“Hey!” The guy greets. 

Jeonghan squints his eye at the blonde guy. It was the guy who Jeonghan shut out yesterday. 

“I’m Jihoon.” He introduces himself as he reaches out his hand for a handshake.

Jeonghan replied with a quick bow and leaves the place. 

Maybe he is not as bad as others think. After attending his last class, Jeonghan decides to walk home to get some fresh air. 

His thoughts are always a mess so he wants his brain to breathe. 

While walking on the streets, he sees cheerful kid playing around outside of a toy shop. Different kids who don’t know each other but at such a young age, they are capable of opening a space inside them to let others come in.

That’s how others look in his eye— beautiful. 

It’s a sight for him.  
Just then, a big black pulled off at where he was walking. He is not surprised but annoyed. A man jumps out of the car and bows at him. 

Jeonghan scans his whole surroundings and mouths, “Get lost.”

“Get in the car, Mr. Yoon,”  
He tries to control his anger. “Why are you creating a drama here? Mr. Ahn, didn’t you hear me the other day?”

“The meeting is held today. We need you or we will lose everything to Mr. Yoon Jae Won.”

“And why should I bother? I have no relation with that douchebag.”  
“He’s your uncle, Mr. Yoon.” Mr. Ahn states.

“He is a murderer! I don’t care!” 

How Jeonghan loathes his father’s brother is obvious through his gritted teeth. Mr. Ahn’s head drops in despair. “This will be the last time, I promise Mr. Yoon. Your father worked day and night for the existence and recognition of Yoon’s Empire has gained now. I won’t be following you around anymore. None of my men will be seen in your vicinities so please, for the last time,”  
Jeonghan can tell the man in front of him now who he has known over 10 years is desperate and breaking down. Mr. Ahn has gone through a lot with his father. 

They were best friends and Mr. Ahn loves Jeonghan as his son. 

Tears are threatening to fall down but he fights it. He couldn’t bear to see Mr.Ahn so he turns the other way.

“Come with me.” Mr. Ahn finishes his sentences.

“Mr. Ahn,” His voice cracks.  
< After the meeting of share holders >  
Jeonghan successfully claimed his position in the company which his father had sweated for. His uncle is unsatisfied but Jeonghan didn’t let his guard down and ignored him. Ambling home after getting off the bus, he hears ambulance’s siren nearby. 

‘Accident?’

The road is noisy. A huge lorry and a bike have crashed and the tar is splattered with blood. The accident must have occurred few hours ago. There are even people with phones in their hand filming the whole situation and a minute later it will be viralized by social media users. 

Sick. 

Clout chasers. Jeonghan lays on the fluffy couch and switches on the television.  
He watches news. The accident earlier is broadcasted in the news and it says both victims are confirmed dead.  
Just like how friend has been his wonder, where would dead people go? Are they granted heaven or thrown into the flame of hell? 

Are there any guiders between the celestial lines? Where are his parents now?  
'Rain has been forecast for tomorrow along with the phenomenon of eclipse. Everyone, do bring an umbrella with you and do not stay outside when the phenomenon occurs.'  
'Rain and eclipse?' 

Jeonghan shuts off the television and goes to bed. The darkness has unfolded and Jeonghan is in his sky blue painted room, sleeping soundly.

He never turns on the light when sleeping because he doesn’t like it.

He has used to live alone, all by himself. A beautiful picture hanged on a museum which people gladly spend time to stare at as they dig into every detail of an art is how Jeonghan looks like when his eye lid is shut and curled on the soft mattress.

Yet no one could get a glimpse of it.

It is a shame. He is dreaming. 

He is at an unknown place but he is calm as he tries to escape from it.

The sun is shining brightly above him, he can hear birds are chirping and few people are passing by him. 

As if he is invisible or turns into hologram, they could get through his body. He is standing on the same spot, confused. 

Then he realizes, he is wearing white t-shirt beneath an unbuttoned checkered white shirt paired with a white pants and white shoe.

Everything is white. Out of blue, lilies bloom around him and the people has disappeared.

Such a majestic view as if he is in a room full of flowers. 

In another minute, water is showering on the lilies but the source is not from the sky. 

The droplets of water are floating in the air. Slowly, he approaches and plucks one of the lilies but as soon as he touches it, all of the flowers die.

All of them have withered, leaving him in a shock. Only the one in his hand is still fresh and the unknown source of the water is still showering on it.

Crinkles on his forehead deepen when the lily suddenly turns into a white daffodil and a ray of shimmering light strikes on it.

“What is this Mr. Ahn?”

“Are you just going to leave the company like that?”

“I know nothing about handling a company. I beg you Mr. Ahn, go away from my life.” Jeonghan says. He had promised he wouldn’t show up anymore after what happened yesterday but just a day passed and the promise is broken.

“Mr. Ahn, you know it much better than me so take care of it.” With that, Jeonghan leaves him and heads to a convenience store. He was gulping down a can of beer early in the morning outside of the store when a very familiar guy greets him.

“You live here?”

Jeonghan’s head quickly shots at the direction of the voice and as soon as his eye meets the guy, he shakes his head. "Are you spying on me?”

Jihoon’s brow arches, “What do you mean? It is a chaste coincidence we met here because I live here.”

“Whatever.” He was about to stand up and walk away when the little guy asked him.

“You don’t have classes today?”

“Stop laying off me.”  
He was laying on the couch while fiddling with his phone when he remembered a shiny blue rose was on Jihoon’s nape.

‘Has he found his truly one?’

‘Who could it be? A guy or a girl from our institute?’

‘He’s a lucky one.’  
He looks out the window, there is no sign of an eclipse to neither occur nor rain. 

It’s already 7 pm so he decides to go to his favorite udon stall placed at the corner of the street which is opposite of the accident happened yesterday. 

He doesn’t bring an umbrella with him. “Ahjumma! One bowl of udon and a bottle of soju please!”

Few minutes later, the owner comes with his order while wearing a smile. 

Jeonghan is her regular customer so they are pretty close with each other. “Why don’t you bring an umbrella? It’s going to rain.”

Jeonghan simpers, “It’s fine, my house is just there.”

She shakes his head. “Don’t you watch the news? The people in the television said eclipse will happen today.”

“Is it?” He asks nonchalantly. “Take my umbrella with you, I’ve an extra one. Later, after you finish eating, I’ll close the stall.”

“Then, how are you going home ahjumma?” He concerns.

“My son will come. Eat well.”

Jeonghan bows as a symbol of respect and gratitude. While eating, he glances at the bus station at the opposite side of the road. 

There is a man laying there. Since it is far and dark, he is not sure but it seems like there is more than one person. Brushing off, he continues to eat

“Thank you, ahjumma. I’ll return it tomorrow.”  
He gazes the night sky when it starts to drizzle.

‘Oh!’ The full moon is changing color. The earth is slowly casting a shadow on the moon.

Even when the rain starts to pour down, he doesn’t bother to shield himself using the umbrella. Oddly, without any reason or explanation, he wants to enjoy it. 

He sees the man laying on the seat at the bus station and he wants to give the umbrella to him. 

He must be a beggar. 

Without making any noise, he walks closer to him. Just then, a figure shrouded in black appears next to the man.

Jeonghan can tell by the physical appearance, it is a guy. But who is he? 

From his pouch, he takes out an hourglass and a paper. Jeonghan carefully watches it. After reading something on the paper, the very last grain of the sand falls and something in white is shining in front of him.  
It is a figure of the sleeping man! 

The latter is still sleeping but at the same time he is talking with the mysterious guy. The rain is getting heavy but Jeonghan doesn’t budge even when he is drenching.

He needs an answer. The mysterious guy takes off his hat and that is when Jeonghan can see his face. 

From afar, his long eyelashes and pretty dark eyes capture Jeonghan. The shiny white thing follows his lead but suddenly the guy stops. 

He immediately turns at where Jeonghan is standing and his whole body stiffens. 

As if it is in cue, the moon takes on a reddish hue indicating it is a total eclipse when their eyes meet. His heart is beating faster and his breathe is stuck in his throat.

Rain doesn’t stop so do their stares.

Jeonghan is commiting every corner of this magical guy's face to his memory. A bright face with a pair of intoxicating eyes and a glimmering pupil in the center, sculpted nose and down to it, a reddish lip.

The other guy seems to be in awe looking at Jeonghan in the middle of a pouring rain. 

The guy is so surprised but Jeonghan can’t tell. Before he could utter a word, the mysterious guy who is shrouded in black & the white figure disappear like a dust. 

He lifts his head; he can see a red moon shining proudly on the dark sky while the rain is still soaking him wet. 

What did he witness just now? Unknowingly, he brings his hand to his chest to feel his heartbeat. 

Then, he approaches the guy and wakes him up gently by tapping his arm.

He gets no response. He shakes the man, still nothing. “Ahjussi?”  
Suddenly his instinct tells him to feel the man’s breath so Jeonghan places his finger under his nose. 

His heart almost jumps off his chest when he can’t feel any warm breath. 

The man is dead? Stepping back, he brushes his hair because he is having mixed emotions— terrified, bewildered and shocked.

Taking out his phone, he dials the ambulance and soullessly sits there while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. “Thank you for informing us. Did you pass by here?” One of the paramedic asks him.

“Is this man really has dead?” Jeonghan throws a question with a shaky pupil and an unsteady voice.

“Yes. Not an hour yet. Why?”  
Half an hour ago he saw the man and something shining in white were talking to each other. 

He heads straight to home after settling few things with the paramedics. He showers and as usual, he doesn’t check himself in the mirror.

The shocking night passes and Jeonghan is oblivious of a sparkling and pretty yellow lily is drawn on the back of his neck.  
“A human saw me. For my negligence, I should be punished.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi y'all i have already wrote this a long time ago so enjoy 3k :))) you can follow me on twitter @cheolysmol


	3. fluttering heart

A raspy voice sounds somewhere— in a place where the living couldn’t enter. 

“Jeonghan,” Jihoon calls him when Jeonghan was heading to the bench near the fountain.

“What?” Annoyance is obvious in his tone but Jihoon ignores it and joins him sitting on the bench.

Jeonghan looks at the younger boy unbelievably, “Can you please go?”

“I heard that you’re one of the brightest student and always tops the ranking every semester.”

Without giving any response, Jeonghan continues to draw something on his sketch book. Sometimes, after his classes ended, he will sit quietly near the fountain and draw various flowers. He is good in art since he majored art in high school.

“Daffodil,” Jihoon states after seeing Jeonghan is sketching a white daffodil. It is a rough sketch but it looks exquisite.

"Do you believe in soulmates?" The younger boy asks softly while looking carefully into Jeonghan's eye. Jeonghan shoots him a gaze which reprimanded him of the blue rose on the boy’s nape. 

He doesn’t say anything in return but the boy next to him throws his gaze onto the sky after exhaling. “When two people meet, it never has been meaningless. Everything happens for a prominent purpose which the Almighty has written for us.” 

Jeonghan stops moving his hands on the book. The memory of holding a gaze with a mysterious guy last night flashes across his mind. 

Something inexplicable sparked for a moment in him. His mind has stopped thinking but listening to Jihoon. 

He sounds so real and Jeonghan is amazed as if Jihoon could read him. “I hope that whoever it is, people will accept them wholeheartedly because here,” 

The younger boy points at Jeonghan’s chest just where his heart is beating. 

“It has been connected.” Jeonghan is speechless. “No matter how hard we run and turn from each other, the string that knots us will eventually pull us together again.” Jeonghan finds himself staring at the boy in awe. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Jeonghan starts to fluster, “Stop talking nonsense!” 

With that, he abruptly walks away from there.

The cafeteria is noisy by students chatting here and there making Jeonghan annoyed. 

He queues in the shortest line and quickly buys a chicken sandwich but he can’t find an empty table to enjoy his meal. He was about to head to his usual hangout place when he spots Jihoon is having lunch with someone. 

He can't see the other's face since the person is backfacing him. 

“Is that his soulmate?” He whispers to himself.

"Jeonghan!” He snaps his head to where the voice is coming from. Ah, it’s Jihoon.

With a warm smile that he always put on for Jeonghan, he approaches. “Let’s have a lunch together!”

Suddenly, Jeonghan’s body stiffens as awkwardness bubbling up on his chest.

“Jeonghan?”

“What?”

“I found a new friend in my class today! There,” Jihoon points at the anonymous guy who was with him earlier.

Jeonghan glares at him, “So?”

“He is a transferee and it’s his first day so I befriended him because he looked uncomfortable here.” He explains.

Jeonghan is clueless of Jihoon’s affections for him. No one is dare enough to say a short ‘hi’ to him but this younger boy always amazes him by his affable behavior. Jihoon always comes to him first and talk to him as if they’re childhood friend.   
Jeonghan was lost in his thought for a minute but somehow he manages to snap himself to reality and when he did, he walks away from the small boy.

It’s noon and since it is summer, the weather is undeniably hot but Jeonghan finds himself a comfortable spot under a big and shady tree which is at the opposite of the fountain.

He unwraps the sandwich and bites it as he leans against the hard surface of the trunk.

The view before him is nice as all he can see are people being with other people— together.

Shadows of the moving leaves caused by the gentle wind fall onto him and swear to god, Jeonghan looks like an abstract painting when the sunray peeks through the green leaves and hits him on the face softly.

“Jeonghan sunbaenim,” A junior calls him when he is heading to his next class. 

With a cold and expressionless face, Jeonghan faces the guy who is running towards him. Hesitantly, he hands a paper to him which he takes it with a questionable eyes. 

"What's this?"

"It's an assignment given to me today. I k-know sunbaenim is good in this s-so I wanted to ask y-you a favor—"

Studying the guy's shaking eyes, Jeonghan can read his intention so he cuts him off. 

"You want me to tutor you?"

The guy immediately nods his head as a smile starts to curve on his face. 

"Library, 4, weekend." 

The guy shouts his gratitude when Jeonghan continues to walk away. "Thank you!"

Adjusting his bag hung on his shoulder, Jeonghan runs down the stairs before he accidentally bumps into someone and he falls down. 

"Arggh!" He groans in pain but stops it when he hears a soft apology.

"I'm sorry,"

Jeonghan lifts his head to see the person who bumped into him and his heart almost stops beating when the very familiar figure is kneeling in front of him.

As if the world has stopped rotating and his surrounding becomes slower, Jeonghan can't help but to stare at the pretty boy. Weirdly, he feels it. 

"I'm sorry, are you alright?" His gentle voice awakens Jeonghan when the guy reaches his hand to take a closer look at Jeonghan's elbow. Why is Jeonghan reacting like this? He can't move his body as he wants.

He can barely breathe and his heart is hammering in his throat. 

He softly blows on Jeonghan's elbow and that is when Jeonghan recognizes the guy by his eyes. The same dark and intoxicating pair of eyes which he saw on the rainy day when the moon and the sun aligns together on the sky.

Jeonghan quickly flinches, leaving the guy in surprise.

The mysterious guy shrouded in black! 

"Are you okay? I'm really sorry. I didn't saw you because you were running fast."

"I—," Great. Jeonghan stutters. He quickly stands up followed by the guy whose hair is slightly messed and Jeonghan thinks it's cute. 

"I'm fine." Without sparing him any gaze, he mutters. But the guy suddenly squints his eye and leans a little bit closer to Jeonghan making him to step back.

Okay, now that makes Jeonghan furious. 

"What are you doing?!" He can't control his heart beat. The same flutter he experienced the other day.   
He chuckles, "You were the one I saw at the cafe earlier."

Cafe?

"No."

"Yes, you were the one! You were talking with Jihoon right? I was staring at you 'cause you were cute." He smiles and his whole face lit up. 

Huh? Jeonghan absolutely doesn't remember. He's blank and ready to leave but he stops him.

"I'm new here but Jihoon and I befriended each other pretty quick."

Is he the one Jihoon was talking about? 

"I'm Choi Seungcheol. Hope we can be friends!"

He giddily reaches his hand out to shake hands with Jeonghan.

Unknowingly, Jeonghan laces their hand together. It feels delicate. 

"Yeah o-okay." He slowly walks away. Jeonghan finds his heart has calm down now that he is no more with the guy named Choi Seungcheol.

Now he is curious of Seungcheol.

He is very sure he was the guy who appeared out of nowhere and vanished into dust before his very own eyes. 

If he's the magical guy..

Who is he?

Weekend has come. Jeonghan was doing nothing all the day as he woke at noon and he washed himself before swallowing down whatever he has in his kitchen for breakfast.

He visits his soulless bedroom just as him. His bare feet steps on the cold floor and his toe goes numb instantly. Blanket is left unfolded on the mattress and a pillow is under the bed while at the corner, dirty clothes of him piled up in the big basket.   
He wanted to clean his room but his phone beeps, pertaining he receives a notifications.

Then it clicks to him that he actually has to tutor his junior who asked for his help the other day. 

He takes his crossover bag and heads to the library. Once he arrives, he sees the boy is sitting at one of the table and his whole face brightens up with a toothy smile as soon as he sees Jeonghan. 

“You good?” Jeonghan’s voice almost disappears along with the air around them but the boy nods.

“Haneul,” He introduces himself and as usual as his awkward self, Jeonghan proceeds on tutoring him. 

More than an hour passes but they’re still in the library and he is almost done tutoring Haneul. He’s a quick learner and Jeonghan is no more awkward with him.

“Hyung, thank you so much! I’ll go home now.”

Suddenly Haneul jumps into a hug and because of shocked, Jeonghan stumbles backwardly causing him to almost fall down but luckily a hand out of nowhere supports his back. 

His whole body stiffens while Haneul bows to someone behind Jeonghan and leaves him. Seungcheol shrugs while showing a nonchalant face. “I had class earlier and I saw you walking here.”

“You followed me?”

He is quick to defend himself. “No! No! Why would I?!”

Without debating much, Jeonghan is the one to walk first and since he is out of groceries, he goes to draw out some money to buy his kitchen stuffs at a nearby supermarket. He checks every price tag of everything and he instantly sighs.

After an hour, he walks home— his home. It’s the only place he could go to.

The weather is tearing his skin and sweats are rolling down his temple so once he gets home, shower is the first option to do first. He sniffs his arm which smells fresh lemon because that is the flavor of his body shampoo.

In the midst of arranging the snacks into a container, suddenly a storm of unbearable lump elevates in his throat and his chest feels heavy before he coughs out but he doesn’t realize that tears fall along.

He remembered his parents. They lived a happy life together until the genre of his household turns tragic and he had to watch his parents took their own life hung by a rope before his own eyes.

Jeonghan shuts his eye tightly so that every last drop of his tear will fall and he will stop crying eventually. Everything sucks and he could only taste bitterness. Changing his mind, and since the night is still young, Jeonghan decides to go for a walk. 

His thoughts are clear now or so he thought. 

Lifting his head to look at the sky, he internally heaves as there is neither moon nor stars. It is empty and somehow he remembers something but he brushes it off of his mind.

He waits for the signal to change the light to green so that he can cross the road to get to the convenient store which is at the opposite side. There are a lot of vehicles in the road and Jeonghan seems lost. 

The crosswalk light changes green and before Jeonghan could step to cross; he heard something crashing very loudly. It is horrible and as a shocking impulse, Jeonghan crouches down and covers his both ear as he closes his eyes. 

People around him start to gush over him while whispering to themselves. 

“Hey young man, are you okay?” A lady taps his shoulder with a worried expression painted all over her face. Jeonghan blinks for a few times and gains his senses to stand up straight. He is trembling but he still twitches a smile to the lady and in front of him is blood splattered all over the road.

An accident. 

A bicycler and a driver. Jeonghan can spot an arm laying under the car. 

It must be the bicycler’s arm. 

The driver is found fainted in the car. Jeonghan gasps and his eye stings because he couldn’t bear to look at the horrifying scene before him. If he crossed the pedestrian walk a second earlier, he would be the one to drench in blood and laying in the road. 

Jeonghan grasps his chest and get away from there. He sits by a lake and the cool air tingling around him comforts him. Beer is the best option to have when you’re chilling by yourself at night.

He popped the first can and before the rim could even touch his mouth, someone snatches it away from him and when he turns to see who it was, Jeonghan is unable to turn away when their faces is a breath apart. “It’s not good for your liver.”

However, it only lasts for few seconds when Jeonghan quickly shuffles his butt a few centimeters away from the person next to him and proceeds to open another can which also ends in vain because the person takes it away again from Jeonghan’s hand. “Seungcheol!” 

Gulping down the bitter liquid, Seungcheol exclaims a harsh breath through his gritted teeth. 

“Oh, you do remember my name.”

“Fuck off! I don’t want you to be here!”

Jeonghan doesn’t have any idea how he could run into this guy who remains mystifying for him at this hour and it infuriates him when a stranger disturbs him when he wanted to enjoy the night alone with a few can of beers.

Stranger?

They only know each other’s name so Seungcheol is qualified as a stranger for him- just like almost everyone else.

“Do you want to tell me something? Well, it could not be me but everything you have bottled up there,”

Seungcheol points at Jeonghan’s chest. “I can listen to it.” Seungcheol’s voice is full of assurance and Jeonghan’s stomach flips.

Jeonghan is unable to say anything because the weird guy suddenly speaks of something that couldn’t be predicted for two people who only met twice. His face stays expressionless and he feels like he has turned into a stone by staring at Seungcheol’s side profile.

He turns when he gets nothing in response from Jeonghan. 

“What?”

“W-what do you m-mean?”

“You have kept so insufferable emotions inside. You should let it go.”

Jeonghan only hears the rustles of the wind and the sound of water plopping because there are two kids throwing stones into the lake. “Who are you?” 

He succeeds in replying him but it makes Seungcheol to frown in disappointment first but then he pulls his mouth into a warm–cheeky smile. As the light illuminates on Jeonghan’s face, Seungcheol somehow scoots closer and leans into his ear. 

“I am someone who you can’t imagine of but once you think of me, I’ll be there.”

But, Jeonghan doesn’t budge even when he can literally feel the other’s warm breath is fanning over his neck. 

It sends something which Jeonghan prefers to not admit but yeah he…likes it. “Seungcheol, don’t-“ Before he could finish his sentence, Seungcheol holds his shoulder— preventing him from moving and Jeonghan doesn’t.

“Flower…” Seungcheol trails, looking at something behind Jeonghan’s nape.

“What?!” Jeonghan is annoyed so he moves and turns his head to look at his nape but of course, he cannot.

“You have a soulmate!” Seungcheol voices out and Jeonghan stops what he was doing and stare at the older boy absentmindedly.   
“What do you mean?”

“There’s a yellow lily on your nape.”

“L-lily?” He asks once again for confirmation and Seungcheol nods as his gaze is glued on his nape.

His vision becomes blurry and he knows tears are welling up in his eye but he tries his absolute best to not let it + fall. 

Is this really happening? The day Jeonghan has been desperately waiting for, finally it comes. 

But who is his other significant? How is he supposedly to find the other? 

Is it a guy?

Or a girl?

Jeonghan is lost in his deliberate happy thoughts of his soulmate until he doesn’t realize Seungcheol has been staring at his nape for too long.

“Beautiful. So beautiful.” 

He hears Seungcheol whispering and he already wants to stand up but the magical guy pulls his arm and slowly plants a soft yet warm kiss on the yellow flower at the back of his nape which catches Jeonghan’s breath and sends shiver down his spine. He did close his eye at the kiss but once he opens it again, he finds no one beside him.

Seungcheol is not here. 

It was only a moment but Seungcheol has disappeared.

[In a certain hospital- Intensive Care Unit (ICU)]

“Kim Donghwan, age 26. Time of death, 20:25. Your time in earth has ended due to a horrifying accident which brought you to death. Stare at this hourglass as your memories in this mortal world will be dissipated.”

“Flower,” Jeonghan faces his back at the mirror to look at the lily that has been drawn on his nape. 

Since when it has existed? 

There wasn’t full moon happened in this week. He remembers it clearly. When the recent full moon occurred, Jeonghan did check but there wasn’t a flower.

Checking all of his doors are locked, Jeonghan jumps onto his bed and lays on his back— facing the ceiling above him. 

He can’t neither sleep nor stop thinking. “Could it be?” He whispers to himself. He wants to deny it but it is the only valid reason for the existence of the lily on his nape.

Eclipse. 

It was the day where he met the man covered in all black who resembles Choi Seungcheol. No matter how much he thinks of it, he always ends up relating them to each other.

A pair of intoxicating eyes which he captured on the rainy eclipse day still remains a puzzle for him while Choi Seungcheol whom he met only twice starts to arouse his curiosity. He turns his position on the bed and his hand slowly makes its way to his nape. 

He touches the flower as a rush of warmth spread all over his skin and he can feel the soft touch on the lily earlier.   
The kiss.

How Seungcheol kissed the back of his nape still trembles him in excitement but Jeonghan would not admit it because for him, Seungcheol is nothing more than a stranger.

Since that day, Jeonghan doesn’t think much of what happened. He goes to the college normally and in the afternoon on weekend, he will tutor Haneul. Once he gets home, he’ll slide down on his couch lazily, switching the television channels and few minutes later, he’ll wash himself before having dinner.

It has been a week since that pleasant incident happened— Seungcheol kissed the back of his nape where the yellow lily is drawn.

As much as he denies that he actually liked it, he wouldn’t admit it because he is Yoon Jeonghan. They didn’t meet each other since then which grows Jeonghan’s concern of where could he be and what is he doing. 

Now, it has turn into a daily routine for Jeonghan to check the flower once he wakes up and as soon as he gets home, terrified if it will fade because he didn’t find his soulmate yet and he doesn’t have any idea how is he supposed to do it in order to find his soulmate whom he has waited earnestly for.

“It has been a long time huh,” Jihoon drops his bag on the chair opposite of Jeonghan and sits next to it. 

It is a nice Thursday afternoon where Jeonghan spends his vacant time at the cafe after his class has ended.

“Oh, hi.” A short greet. Yes, of course. It is Jeonghan, what could be expected more?

There was a silence clouded with a weird hot air tingling around them before Jihoon speaks first. 

“How are you doing?”

Slowly, Jeonghan lifts his head from focusing on the book which looks like a comic and replies, “Good.”

Let’s clear this, Jeonghan is not a complete asshole as what he seems the entire time but he is not used to a concerning question which Jihoon just asked so he needs time to process the appropriate word in his brain to come out with and since he is Yoon Jeonghan, ‘good’ is a much better answer— at least from his perspective.

Jihoon nods and throws another question which caught him off guard. “So, there’s a flower on your nape.”

Jeonghan’s head shots to his question and blankly stares at the younger. “How did you know?”

“I walked behind you and yea..I noticed it.”

“Oh.” He doesn’t know how to react so he continues to read the comic. 

“Did you find your significant other yet?”

Jeonghan shakes his head like a lost 5 year old kid. “Did you?”

Jihoon let out a rough breath and blinks. “What?”

“I saw a rose on your back the other day. A blue one. It looks beautiful and the leaves around it are like…feathers. It matches your skin which seems so soft like…an angel.”

Angel. 

That word definitely has something to do with him because once the word slips out from Jeonghan’s mouth, Jihoon looks troubled and he sits up straight. 

Seeing his reaction, Jeonghan has the urge to apologize because he feels like he has failed the universe so he does,  
I’m sorry, did I…say anything wrong?”

Jihoon coughs and sips the beverage he bought a minute ago.

“No! You did nothing wrong. Your choice of word flatters me.”

Jeonghan recollects his memory of what he said earlier and softly says, “Angel?”

“Yeah. You made it sounds so beautiful.” Jeonghan’s eye flickers to Jihoon’s because it feels so sincere.

He tries to focus back on their previous conversation which Jihoon didn’t answer. “Did you find yours?”  
A short laugh comes from the younger boy. 

“No. It always feels like we’re together as if we’re walking side by sides but who knows right? It is deity’s providence so we should just wait for it. He’ll surely show the way.”  
Providence. 

Jeonghan seems lost in that word which got him to stare absentmindedly at Jihoon. 

“Hey, time will come soon for both of you to meet. Perhaps, the person is someone you know or you wanted to be as your soulmate so have faith. You don’t have to rush things.”

Is the last word Jihoon said to him before he left which caught his entire attention on it even when he is walking home.

That night, the road that leads to his home seems empty and alone so Jeonghan has been thinking over the conversation with Jihoon as he gets off the bus. 

How will they recognize each other? 

Jeonghan almost topple over the small hole on the road which fits his one leg before a hand wraps around his arm, pulling him away from the hole.

“What the hell were you thinking, Jeonghan?!” A very familiar voice hits his eardrums loudly.

Still shocked, Jeonghan lifts his shaky pupil to see the person who is grasping their hands tightly on his shoulder. “Seung-Seungcheol?”

“Yes! It’s me!” He can sense an irritation in his voice which he doesn’t know the reason.

“You almost fell in there! The fuck were you thinking?!” Seungcheol is yelling at him and he clearly doesn’t like it so he pushes Seungcheol away.

“I didn’t see it! It’s dark!” Great. Now, he yells too.

The older boy pushes his hair backward harshly. There is a tense moment between them when their eyes meet for a second before Jeonghan tears it away. Without waiting for Seungcheol to explain, Jeonghan proceeds to walk because he is annoyed. 

But, from where did Seungcheol appear? 

He’s sure that he didn’t spot anyone in the alley because it was silent.

Then, he is on a memory train to the day he witnessed something that he couldn’t put a word into— when a mystifying stranger’s gaze was locked with his own and how much Seungcheol and the man resembles each other. He was about to step into his house when the same voice but this time, a softer one is behind him. 

“Hey, I’m sorry. I was terrified of something might happen to you again–"

“Again?”

Seungcheol gapes his mouth when Jeonghan demands an answer by his fiery stare. 

“Don’t tell you’ve never fell before? It’s normal okay. I just don’t want you to fall again because of your negligence. I am stating a general concern.”  
“You know nothing about me.”

Jeonghan buries his gaze deep into Seuncheol’s and swear to god, Seungcheol sees something shining in Jeonghan’s eye– it must be the illumination of the lamp post– and that’s when Seungcheol holds his wrist and slowly whispers.

“Then, I am willing to know.”

The crease in Jeonghan’s forehead deepens. “We’re nothing to each other so there’s no need and I hate people meddling with my life.”

He makes it clear to Seungcheol in the midst of ignoring his twisting heart inside his chest and the tip of his tongue is vibrating.

“You’re wrong. Neither you nor I could expect the future so we could mean something to each other and I am no longer just people in your life. Instead of shutting people out, make time to learn about them. Your attitude clearly speaks how selfish you are.” 

A loud pang hits his chest where his heart is functioning and he hates how Seungcheol could read him easily because to everyone, he is a closed book who portrays a cold exterior and no one is dare to say anything, especially like what Seungcheol just said. 

Oh no, his eyes sting. Thanks to Seungcheol, he has realized how much a useless and asshole is he so he slams the door shut.

The next morning, he wakes up to a message from Mr. Ahn which sounds, “We’ve to meet.” 

Without debating with his useless brain, he gets ready to meet with the man who is almost like his father.

“You look awfully skinny, Jeonghan. Are you eating well?” Is the first word comes out from Mr.Ahn’s mouth once Jeonghan settles down on the metallic chair.

“I am. Why did you want to meet me?”

Mr.Ahn’s face expression is so worried and Jeonghan hates to see it because he– he is Yoon Jeonghan who doesn’t need anyone to worry over his pathetic, self-centered self.

“Jeonghan, you look like someone who doesn’t eat for months. Can’t you see how obvious is your cheekbones is popping out? For god’s sake, Jeonghan, take care of yourself! You don’t want to meet me but with the lifestyle you’re living right now how could I not check on you?”

His gaze has dropped onto the table as he curls both fingers around each other. 

He misses this– when he fell after learning how to ride a bicycle, his mom ran over and blew his scratched hand. 

Now, he is left with nothing. Well, he has Mr.Ahn but this man is old and he needs to take care of himself more than he should worry over someone who doesn’t deserve any kind treatment.

“Mr.Ahn, you should take care of yourself more. Have you been eating your medicines? You don’t have to think of me, alright? It’ll only increase your blood pressure and a person like me has no worth.”

“Jeonghan, what are you talking about? You’re my son, my precious one. It’s you Yoon Jeonghan. Don’t you ever talk anything trash like that.”

Swear to god, Jeonghan repents what he has said but obviously, he doesn’t show it. After that short meeting, Jeonghan is now at a barbecue restaurant. He has been craving it for too long and this is the only time he can fill his tummy with greasy meats and a few bottles of soju (9 bottles, accurately)

The tables around him are occupied by more than 2 persons and Jeonghan is just there– all alone.

He was wrapping the meat neatly in the salad before shoving it into his mouth until /that word/ flashes across his heart and he has no one to blame because of his behavior.

Visions before him start to get blurry and he is fazed but he is still sitting up straight. He has drunk every last drop of the soju and he wants more– left intoxicated. For once, he wants to experience it so he lifts his hand in the air, signaling the worker to bring him more alcohols. 

An hour passed, Jeonghan is still grilling the meats after gulping down a shot. Other customers have vacated so Jeonghan is left alone- just like always- and it doesn’t bother him; he thought.

He is so much wasted this night and he slowly reaches his hand to his nape, just where the soft yellow lily has bloomed. 

It feels so soft even though he is only touching his skin but it is way too warmer and…he likes doing it as if someone is patting his head.

“Stop touching it.”

Seungcheol’s eye bores into Jeonghan’s as he slides down beside him cautiously. 

However, Jeonghan lazily points his index finger at him. “You! Why do you always appear…out of nowhere?”  
Seungcheol doesn’t answer instead he picks a meat by the chopsticks and put it into his own mouth.

“Don’t steal my meat.” Jeonghan warns but it’s completely a vain.

“Choi Seungcheol…”

He pretends that he doesn’t hear it and keeps on eating the meat without sparing the wasted guy beside him a gaze. 

Again, time passes and the both of them are resting their head on the table, staring at each other. This is not a normal encounter for two people who met several times and all they did is exchanging a questioning and wonderful stare but they don’t care– as for Jeonghan.

A faint breath is exhaled by Jeonghan which clearly heard by Seungcheol and he slowly flutters his eye shut. “Are you my guardian angel?”

Jeonghan questions frankly without considering if those kinds of things exist.

“No.” Seungcheol calmly answers while closing his eyes.

“Then why you’d always appear out of nowhere and disappear suddenly?”

The older boy opens his eyelid– focusing at Jeonghan. “I wish to be one.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a bad one and I want one to be the good one for you, Han.”

“Why?” His tone is so innocent and sounds like a 4 year old kid who has discovered the existence of Earth.

“Because you were a good one for me but I didn’t know it so in this life, I want to be everything that you had been for me.”

“You…”

“You shine so brightly, Han.”

Jeonghan is really drunk talking with a human named Seungcheol, asking him if he is any kind of angel but he is not. Choi Seungcheol is not an angel.

Yes, it exists but no, Choi Seungcheol is a person who was born in darkness and he is something that the human couldn’t expect to exist in this mortal world.


	4. temporary glee

_“Seungcheol, you what?”_  


  
_“Yes, Jihoon.” Seungcheol nods and drop his head to the ground._

  
  
_“No, I can’t let you do that. He already has a soulmate, don’t you understand? Horrifying things will happen if you disobey, Choi Seugcheol. I am his guardian angel, I won’t let you!”_

_“What if it is real? I had a dream, he was shining radiantly in my dream and I had this sudden urge. I remembered, Jihoon,” His voice shakes with a terrifying hope._

  
  
_“It was all not just a dream. It happened.”_

_“I was sent to take care of him and you appearing in his life are not something that I should watch by afar. I am responsible for everything that unfolds in his life.”_

  
  
_“I’m sorry Jihoon, but I don’t have any other option.”_

With throbbing head, Jeonghan walks out of his home only to be greeted by the person he hates the most, Yoon Jaewoon.

His uncle.

  
  
“What’s your business here?” He scoffs.

  
  
“How are you doing my beloved nephew, Jeonghan?”

“Don’t call my name with that sewage mouth of yours.” Jeonghan sneers through his gritted teeth.

  
  
The man’s gaze hardens for a moment but he holds it back.

  
  
“Look, you’re just a rebellious kid and you’re gaining nothing from the company, Jeonghan.”

“So?” Jeonghan cuts him off before he could continue his talk.

  
  
“See these papers? All you have to do is to sign it and you won’t be seeing me ever again.” He lifts his forehead as a sign of a greed expectation.

An amused scoff leaves Jeonghan’s mouth.

  
  
He takes the papers and reads it one by one before he tears it and presses them by his feet on the ground, leaving the man’s jaw clenched.

  
  
“I might be a kid in your eyes, but I’m an intelligent one to be aware of a fool like you.” With that, Jeonghan starts to walk away from there- heading to the college.

As long as he lives, he will never forgive the man who is one of the causes for the death of his parents. Whenever he sees Yoon Jaewon, he feels like weighs have fall upon him and he starts to miss his parents when he doesn’t want to feel anything.

  
  
It makes him pathetic.

  
  
If they didn’t fight over the wealth, maybe his parents would be still alive. Jeonghan was walking in the quiet hallway when he passes by a classroom.

  
  
Where Seungcheol is in. 

  
  
_Choi Seungcheol._

  
  
Sweats are prickling through his palms but he stays composed.

  
  
Unknowingly, he peeks through the glass door to get a better vision of Seungcheol- more closely. He, himself doesn’t know why is he doing this as if his body is not in his control. Other than the sound of rustling wind, he can’t hear anything else even when there are a couple teasing each other and it is loud enough for you to cringe over. Jihoon notices it when he walks down the stairs.

  
  
“Jeonghan!”

  
  
The said guy jumps and brushes his hair in order to look cool. “What are you doing here?”

“I should ask you that. This is not your department, what are _you_ doing here?” Jihoon emphasizes the word <i>‘you’<i> which catches Jeonghan’s attention.

  
  
Jeonghan is flustering and he never experienced this before. It feels foreign and odd.

  
  
“I was on my way…to meet…a friend,”

Jihoon arches a brow and seems surprised, “Oh, you have a friend?”

  
  
Felt a bit hurt, Jeonghan’s head shots in an instant towards Jihoon who doesn’t realize on what he said. That made him to wonder of his behavior– his cold shoulder and how ignorant is he acting to everyone.

He is lost of words.

  
  
Then, the glass door flies open and Seungcheol gives a curious look on what’s happening between them but Jihoon glares at him when he stands beside Jeonghan.

“Are you here to meet me?” He asks with a wide smile and Jihoon is already sensing an excitement in his tone.

  
  
Jeonghan lifts his gaze to meet with Seungcheol’s.

He doesn’t like this warmth which is creeping inside him whenever he sees a smiling Seungcheol so he quickly distances himself from him, leaving an internally satisfied Jihoon and a shocked Seungcheol.

Without saying anything, Jeonghan leaves them and heads to his usual place– fountain.

  
  
He distracts himself by sketching a yellow lily just as the one that is behind his neck but he can’t throw away Jihoon’s word on his brain. It's floating everywhere in his messed up brain.

He really doesn’t have a friend.

  
  
Someone who you will share every story with– telling your every daily basis–, the one who will hangout with you or have a sleepover in his cold room, shares food together, diss or tease each other without taking it to heart, someone to lean on–

“I can be your friend if you want.”

  
  
An assuring voice startles him and he looks to his side, it is Seungcheol.

  
  
He plonks his bottom on the damp grass and shoots Jeonghan a stare before his eye lands on the sketchbook which is on Jeonghan’s hold. “You’re incredibly good at drawing, Jeonghan-ah.” A warm smile spreads all over his face and as if Jeonghan is struck, he can’t take his eyes off from Seungcheol.

  
  
“Why are you looking at me like that?”

  
  
Jeonghan’s mouth twitches.

  
  
He smiles.

  
  
He is smiling at Seungcheol. Seungcheol is the first person in this planet to ever witness such a soft smile from Jeonghan which is for him.

  
  
Only him.

  
  
“What are we doing?” Seungcheol asks to snap Jeonghan back from whatever is he thinking. He quickly closes his sketchbook and pretends as if he is busy cleaning his stuffs. “Don’t you have classes?”

  
  
Seungcheol shrugs, “That was my last class.”

“Seungcheol–" He turns beside him only to find Seungcheol is nowhere to find.

  
  
He looks around but he doesn’t spot him anywhere and that makes his heart to weigh. He spent some time at the fountain before entering the library. He drops his bag on the wooden table as he sits and plonks his head on it.

He wants to rest or just take a nap before he gets home but then all his thoughts are jumbled inside his head– as why his stomach always have this weird flip and why he could feel his heart clogging up in his throat as if oxygen has been sucked out of his system when he is with—

“Why you’d always sleep here?”

  
  
Jeonghan really doesn’t have the energy to lift his head or more like doesn’t want to do so but eventually he did, because of some unsolved reason the voice has.

Seungcheol is staring at him with that pair of intoxicating eyes and resting his chin on his palm and he dramatically feels like Seungcheol’s blink is slow motioned.

  
  
“Where did you go?”

“Nowhere.” Seungcheol gives him a comforting smile and Jeonghan’s body instantly warms up.  


  
“And why are you here?”

  
  
“Wanted to see you, again.”

Jeonghan blinks but still portrays an expressionless face but deep inside his heart is already hammering against his ribcage.

He sits up straight. “Why?”

Now, it is Seungcheol’s turn to flinch but with a wide smile.

“Why do you always disappear suddenly?” Jeonghan corrects his question and softly asks him.

“Because I can’t stay with you for long. I was summoned.” Seungcheol calmly speaks.

“Summoned?” Seungcheol nods as he gives an assuring smile which Jeonghan can’t help but to admire.

“Your soulmate called you?”

Seungcheol shakes his head and slowly reaches for the back of his neck. “I don’t have a flower yet.”

“You should get it soon.”

With that, silence engulfs them with a heavy air between them. Neither Seungcheol nor Jeonghan turn away from each other but still gazing each other with inexplicable thoughts.

“Don’t look at me like that. I feel weird.” Seungcheol states.

Jeonghan leans across the table between them a little. “Seungcheol, who are you?”

“Why do you keep asking me like that?” Seungcheol’s tone has become hard and serious when he responds at his question.

Jeonghan doesn’t say anything but traces his face with his own eyes and Seungcheol’s eyes follow Jeonghan’s trail until they lost somewhere but he doesn’t regret it when Jeonghan says, “I saw you the other day.”

Seungcheol doesn’t speak but waits for Jeonghan to continue.

“It was raining and eclipse happened. I saw you that night, you looked like a _magic_ , Seungcheol.”

At this moment, Jeonghan is just rambling whatever comes to his mind and without his consciousness; he is speaking something that Seungcheol never expected.

Because when he is with Seungcheol, he is lost.

_Realization never hits him._

“How do you know it was me, Han?”

Jeonghan reaches his finger to touch Seungcheol’s eyelashes and the latter willingly leans into the touch as he closes his eyes slowly, felling the delicate fingers on his skin.

“This,” Jeonghan whispers a little wary. “It looks the exact same.”

Seungcheol opens his eye lid and focuses at Jeonghan. Their eyes connecting and it sends a tingling sensation all over inside of Jeonghan but he can’t restraint it.

“My eyes?” Jeonghan nods, still not unaware where his hands are so he moves a little closer and how he wishes that the table which is putting a gap between them doesn’t exist in this moment.

Seungcheol clears his throat and his hand smoothly makes its way to slide between Jeonghans’s fingers which are still tracing his eyes.

They’re intertwining their hands so tightly yet securely and warmly and not to Jeonghan’s surprise, he likes it- how their skins contact each other. It feels so pure and innocent.

“Are you the one?”

Without breaking the intense eye contact which holds a lot of unsolved emotions, Seungcheol slowly brings their laced hands right down his chin and softly brushes his thumb over Jeonghan’s knuckles.

Jeonghan neither tries to budge nor yanks his hand away but with a hidden gleefulness, he waits for Seungcheol to speak.

“I don’t know,” Then, his plump lips rest on Jeonghan’s knuckle rather too long before he catches a glimpse of a smiling Jeonghan.

Ray of sunshine peeks through his window and the light yellow curtains are billowing in the gentle morning breeze. Jeonghan buries his head into the blanket- hiding from the sunlight. He doesn’t have any classes today but he wants to go out and this is not normal. It is not his daily basis. Jeonghan will lay on his couch while changing television channels randomly and the coffee table which is placed in front of the couch will be messed with junk foods, beers, instant noodles and cereals. It takes him a week to clean it but now, his house is absolutely clean and he has stocked up his groceries so Mr. Ahn doesn’t have to worry over Jeonghan who sometimes skips meals and always chews unhealthy foods.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror with nothing but just a damp towel around his waist which covers his lower body, he studies his reflection in the mirror. He looks like a new person. Scrawny cheekbones are replaced with some fleshes; his eyes seem more alive than before, his body isn’t that great but as for him, it fits a required standard body for a last year college student and he only has to cut his hair because the hair on his sides have grown long which troubles his eyesight and also itches uncomfortably at his temple.

When he opens the glass door, a bell chimes welcoming him inside the barber shop. He explains at the barber how he would like to cut his hair and a few minutes after, he can hear the sound of scissors cutting his hair. It only took 20 minutes and Jeonghan looks much more handsome and pretty at the same time with his new haircut. Even the barber compliments him that he has never seen anyone as beautiful as him.

Great, he feels great.

He meanders on the street after having lunch on his own and his feet makes its way to his father’s company. Once he enters the building, the people at the entrance stop what they were doing and focus at Jeonghan because of course, everyone knows him. He feels ultimately bad and terrible when he gives a curt bow to everyone and continues to walk forward until he gets into the elevator.

He was standing in front of Mr. Ahn’s room, contemplating to knock the door or just turn back and go home. Few second passes, he slowly knocks the door thrice and he hears a faint cough from inside before he was welcomed into the room.

Jeonghan enters with an awkward smile and stands absentmindedly at the door while the man approaches him with an unbelieving expression.

“Jeonghan?” The man smiles and quickly hugs him and his whole lit up with warmth that he has always been missing.

“How are you doing?”

Jeonghan can see obvious wrinkle marks on the man’s forehead and some part of his hair has turned grey. “Now that you’re here, I’m good.”

“Mr. Ahn, I just wanted to visit you.” Jeonghan slowly states his intention and the old man’s face brighten up. He tells him to sit first which he complies.

“Jeonghan, you look much better and you’ve gained weight. I’m so happy to see you like this. You’re eating all well, right?”

Jeonghan studies his face before answering, “You don’t look good. Are you going to check-up or not? Screw this company; your health is more important. How are you going to take care of this company if you’re not taking care of your own health? You look like you’ve lost weight, Mr. Ahn. I beg, Mr. Ahn. You’re the only one I have left.”

Mr. Ahn let out a small chuckle. “Then, you should come and take over. I can rest in peace.”

That makes Jeonghan to shut up for a while. It is not like he is being selfish by abounding his own company (maybe) but he is not ready to mentally and emotionally to take a big responsibility by running his father’s company. He is scared to make a step into this and at the same time, he can’t bear to watch Mr. Ahn sacrificing his health in order to watch over this building. And he knows how awful that to just watch all this is and he blames himself for everything because he can only fuck up things. On the other hand, his uncle who is preying for a golden chance to take over this company and he can’t let that happen. His father has worked hard day and night to reach this level of recognition and it can’t fall into the hand of wicked.

He must decide it himself for the sake of everyone but he fears of whatever comes after the decision.

“I just can’t… I am not able to do this… Mr. Ahn, I’m afraid if I will fail everyone’s expectation and that eats me… I-“

“You have to give yourself a chance. Allow yourself, Jeonghan-ah.”

He lifts his gaze to meet with Mr. Ahn’s tired one and his heart sinks. “I will think it over.”

He stands. “I’m leaving.”

“Already?” Jeonghan nods and bows before heads to the door.

Before stepping out, Jeonghan says something that makes Mr. Ahn to hold back his tears. “I love you and I’m always grateful for you. Thanks for everything, Mr. Ahn and I’m sorry for being a coward. I am really sorry.”

“What are you doing here?” A voice asked him and when he turns at the voice’s direction, he is already annoyed. Without answering, he proceeds walking but the man grasps his shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” Jeonghan retorts.

“Oh my god, you’ve such a temper. It’s not good for your health, my niece.”

“I think looking at your face worsens my day.”

“Then, why did you come here?” Jaewoon holds back his anger and calmly asks him.

“For your kind information, this is my father’s company and I have full authority to come here whenever I want. Does that trouble you?”

Jaewoon laughs until he has to lift his head to look up. “You’re claiming your part now? After what I’ve done, you want the money that I worked for? You’re nobody, Jeonghan. You do not deserve anything at here. Have you forgotten? You said you don’t want anything from this company. What? Money makes you greedy?”

Jeonghan just watches the man who he loathes the most. He is talking gibberish.

“You did nothing here. Everything was done by Mr. Ahn and I don’t want your dirty money, uncle. You’re just a leech.”

Hearing that, Jaewoon storms at Jeonghan as he grabs his collar with gritted teeth and burning eyes. Jeonghan is happy to infuriate him so he just laughs nonchalantly- not even afraid a bit.

“Watch your mouth, Jeonghan! I can end you whenever I want so be careful. Don’t ever think of ruling this company.”

Jeonghan doesn’t back off. “Should I be scared of that threat?”

Jaewoon pushes him away and warns again. “Don’t challenge me, Jeonghan!”

And to be honest, Jeonghan is not afraid of Jaewoon because he knows that he has a goal in his life and he won’t give up. With that burning passion, he will preserve what he wants and his vision of his intention is clear now. He won’t back off easily.

A week has passed and Jeonghan is still safe until now not that he cares that much.

His life as a last year student is doing alright, almost normally and he starts to _grow fond_ of his changes. He starts talking with other without being an asshole even the conversation only longs for a few minutes but it is something to be proud of. Most importantly, he accepts the ability of him changing for better.

Jihoon will join him for lunch and for some reason, he feels that he has someone by his side that makes him comfortable. Awkwardness is disappearing a little but the younger boy knows how to put him in his favorite spot. Truth to be told, he starts to _miss_ Seungcheol. Yes that guy who makes him to feel different emotions.

They have only met a few times but each encounter sets his him in different state of how his heart feels. Seungcheol is still mysterious for him and he wants to know him better, more closely because he has found someone who is capable of making him to pour everything out which helps him to feel light. They don’t know each other that well and he doesn’t know how Seungcheol feels for him while even Jeonghan can’t sort out his own feeling but he knows how warm inside him every time Seungcheol just by being there.

That evening, after his morning classes have ended, he gets off his usual bus and goes straight to convenience store since he is craving for soda. Coincidentally, Jihoon is at the gimbap section which is next to soft drinks row. That little boy doesn’t notice him so Jeonghan just walks pass him without greeting him but before he could, something stops him in his track. He swivels round to confirm what he just saw and when he did, he wishes he could turn the time back and just leave the place. 

Benevolent. A perfect word to describe Jihoon. His presence in his cold life was unpredictable but as the younger guy said, the deity holds the universe’s power and everyone has a purpose to exist in someone’s life which is called as providence. Why was Seungcheol there? Caressing Jihoon’s nape so gently and his gaze never left it. Is Jihoon Seungcheol’s soulmate? _They have found each other._

_Has Seungcheol always been so gentle like that?_

Burning throat and dry lips. Jeonghan feels like a nerve in his temple will pop out and his heart is pumping more actively than before. Again, he is always never has his senses together when walking at the road. He knows he shouldn’t feel this way and he definitely has no right to react so but his cold fingertips and harsh breath tell him the other way. He couldn’t ignore his state of mind as if his head has been cut open and the cold night breeze is stinging on his brain. It stings for real.

Weird.

He saw Seungcheol brushing his fingers against Jihoon’s bare nape as they were looking at each other intensely and they were talking. Seungcheol gasped and covered his mouth with his palm when Jihoon said something. A wrecking emotion Jeonghan has never saw before was portrayed by both of them. An indifferent weight dropped his stomach so he left the store before get noticed by them and now he is here, an unknown pavement which leads him unconsciously to somewhere he can let out this crashing feeling.

Right, left and right. Jeonghan checks the road before crossing. It looks so vast and lampposts are everywhere so it’s almost as bright as dawn. Around him, there are only handful people which he can count using his fingers so without paying much attention; he takes a step forward to cross the road. He is very sure he heard a screeching sound against the rough road with a something like glass crashing tragically prior to the black dots in his vision completely blanks his brain and all he remember was darkness. _A sad one._

“…Jeonghan-“

“He is going to be alright.”

“…due to shock,”

Terrible. Jeonghan feels terrible as he slowly opens his eyelid, revealing something widely in white above him and he feels like he is in a humid room. Several people whispering around him but it sounds alien to him; unable to decipher it. _Is this tragic?_

An uncomfortable kind of warm breath and his whole body is sticky. He can’t put an appropriate word on what he’s feeling right now but he is very sure he is in a room which smells hygienically awful and he hears beeping sound right next to his ear.

_Shit._

As if every part of his body is chopped and is isolated from him, he can’t feel his body so he tries to slightly move his index finger as he cautiously lifts his head to see the movement. Then, it sinks to him; he is covered up to his waist in a white sheet- might be a blanket – while the beeping sound comes from the machine next to him and when a very familiar man in white coat enters the place he is in, he knows he had caused a chaos for himself.

****

“You’ve awaken, Mr. Yoon. Well, good morning to you. How are you feeling?” The man greets him as a beautiful young woman next to him hands him a file with a luring smile.

Jeonghan takes a breath and he definitely feels dirty for no reason. “Its fine, Mr. Yoon. You’ve gained your consciousness pretty fast and your reports say that you’re perfectly fine. No fractures, no severe injuries. In my perspective as a medically trained professional life-saver, this is a medical miracle. Well for someone who came rained in blood two days ago, your condition is good.”

_What is he talking about?_

“Let me just conduct some required procedures in analyzing your current condition to fully state your health is perfectly good.”

_Why am I in a hospital?_

The grey haired man who is his doctor, did something to his body and before leaving, he said that he can go home tomorrow with an assuring smile. Jeonghan leans against the pillow on his bead and eyes the tiny, rounded table next to him. There are red bean flavored buns with a sticky note on top of the wrapping plastic which says, _‘make sure to eat it'_ and a covered bowl with a water bowl next to it.

Red bean, gross.

He is in turmoil. He couldn’t remember why is he in a hospital- indeed a creepy surrounding to be in. When he is about to get off the bed with every remaining strength in him because he need to attend universe call which urges him, he finds another sticky note but in light green which says, ‘ _I’ll come by night’_

_How romantic._

Who is leaving him notes? Mr. Ahn?

After peeing, he stands before the mirror and washes his hand. He prioritizes hygienic lifestyle. For a few seconds, he blankly stares at his reflection and his mouth twitches a little instinctively.

He turns around so that his back are reflecting the mirror and he checks the lily on his nape but he couldn’t believe his eyes. He starts to roam his nape with shaky pupils and his hands trembles. His mind goes blank when he notices that the yellow lily has gone as if it never existed.

His symbolism for his significant other has disappeared.

_Nothing’s presence is permanent; it’ll leave you in despair._


	5. crescendo

_“Due to shock and under extreme fatigue and stress, Mr. Yoon collapsed. Luckily, he isn’t injured severely, just some bruises which will heal quickly. He can discharge once he feels better, that’s it. I have prescribed some medicines; you can take it at the pharmacy.”_

_“I received his name and my hourglass started to shake once I opened the paper which had his name. I ran as fast as I could, only to save him but I forgot you’re his angel. He has an angel by his side but I wanted to save him so badly regardless who I am. In this lifetime, I want to be the one who saves him, even once. Strangely, I want to keep being by his side. I know I am not allowed to do such thing but he…he keeps on appearing in my dream holding a white daffodil so beautifully while smiling and I don’t like to see the sadness behind his smile. He reminds me of something awful and I have remembered it, I was the one who killed him. Yoon Jeonghan, I killed Yoon Jeonghan.”_

Jeonghan storms out of the toilet and scans his surrounding which seems shaky and vague to his vision. He is terrified immensely when he realized the little yellow lily is no longer on his nape. He wants to let out a scream but his voice is stuck inside his throat and his heart seems to continue hammering against his ribcage so loudly. Approaching his bed slowly, he grasps the white sheet and a muffled sob escapes his mouth.

Everything is hazy since his vision is blurred by his sudden tears flowing down his cheeks continuously. He eventually kneels down on the cold floor weakly which feels colder to him as the only warmth he can feel is his tears. The room is so quite even when Jeonghan is actually crying right now. He can’t hear his own sobs and somehow he is like drowning in shallow water. There is a way to escape but he keeps on deluding himself that he can’t go through it. He wishes that this is a hallucination or a nightmare. Just please let this night passes, and tomorrow will be fine.

The tattoo will be on his nape as if it has never disappeared.

_Pathetic._

Just then the room’s door opens and when Jeonghan turns his face at the door, he feels more pathetic and embarrassed.

“Han!”

_He calls his name so prettily._

Seungcheol quickly kneels down beside Jeonghan and brings his face in his warm palms. “Why are you crying?” 

Blankly, Jeonghan stares at the man who is holding his cheeks with that look in his eyes and his tears have stopped. Looking at each other in a quiet room without anyone around them makes Jeonghan to feel such thing that he shouldn’t.

“Jeonghan?” Seungcheol calls him softly.

But at this moment, he wants to stop his mind from telling him what to do and wants to put everything out of his thought since the only thing he wants to do now is…

Because of sudden, Seungcheol can’t balance himself and is sprawled on the floor when Jeonghan jumps into his embrace.

They’re hugging.

Jeonghan hugs Seungcheol.

And Seungcheol just let it happen because he wants to feel those excitements which he only have either witnessed or read. Jeonghan is laying on top of him as he nuzzles his face into his chest and his thin shirt that he is wearing is starting to damp but that is not his concern right now. Slowly and quietly, he reaches his hand to touch Jeonghan’s hair which seems so smooth so he pats his head. Once his palm gets in contact with his hair, he can only feel softness as he lets out a heavy breath.

They are not saying anything but melting into each other without them knowing.

_Fall…_

Jeonghan who has his arms secured around Seungcheol’s waist is taking in his scent which smells therapeutic. It eases him. His cheeks have dried now from those tears earlier but how he wish he could stop the ticking time right now- only to last this very moment.

“Jeonghan? Have you stopped crying?” To that question, Jeonghan nods his head against Seungcheol’s chest.

“If you want to cry more, you can cry as long as you want right here, on my chest. No one will come; there is only the two of us.”

“Your shirt will get wet.” Jeonghan’s voice sounds a little muffled.

Seungcheol chuckles, “You can pour your every tear on my shirt, I don’t care.”

“And you won’t ask why?”

“No, unless you want to tell me yourself.”

A silence full of uttered hopes is clouding above them and even Jeonghan has relaxed now, he can’t let go of Seungcheol. He wants to keep his body against him like this, warmly. So they stayed like that for a few minutes which eventually turn into hours and Seungcheol doesn’t care of his aching backbone. Then, a soft sound of Jeonghan sniffing fills the room and with that, he wakes up and cross-legged on the floor, followed by Seungcheol.

Jeonghan clasps his hand together and avoids Seungcheol’s stare as a shaky breath comes out from his mouth. “Are you okay now?”

“Seungcheol, I…I’m sorry,” Slowly, his gaze is lifted to meet with Seungcheol’s.

“For?”

“For hugging you.”

Seungcheol scoots a little closer to Jeonghan who has his head dropped on the floor. He sits facing Jeonghan and puts his hand on Jeonghan’s knees. “Jeonghan, you don’t have to say sorry. I will be here, wherever you are and you can come into me. Don’t hesitate. I’ll make you warm or a little cold, whatever you want.”

As if he hears knell, Jeonghan heart starts to beat with his imaginary knell’s rhythm- how soft, how melodious. He feels like he wants to cry again.

“Why am I here?”

“You don’t remember?” Jeonghan shakes his head since he has no idea how he end up being here.

Seungcheol seems wary to explain but he starts slowly. “You almost get into an accident but luckily…Jihoon, he, he came and saved you. A big car came out of nowhere when you were crossing the road, and you passed out when Jihoon pushed you out of the way.”

Jeonghan’s brows knit together. “Jihoon? How did he come? How did he know? He saved me? Then…is he injured? He pushed me so he must be injured! God! Where is he now?”

“He’s fine. He doesn’t get any injuries. Both of you are safe. He came earlier but you were asleep.” Jeonghan seems relieves once he hears that.

“We’re sorry, sir. He escaped.”

“What?! Useless bastards! I told you to kill him! What do you mean by he was escaped?” Jaewoon yells from the other side of the line. He wants to kill Yoon Jeonghan so bad but something seems not right.

“We don’t know sir. He was clearly on the road but suddenly he was thrown on the other side of the road. Someone saved him, sir.”

Jaewoon grits his teeth in anger and grudge, “Did I pay you to hear ridiculous excuses from you?! I don’t care, finish him!”

A week passes, Jeonghan is now perfectly fine. He is going to college as usual and still tutoring Haneul on weekend. He has forgotten about the disappearance of his soulmate symbolism on his nape. Nothing bothers him, he seems more relaxed and it has been one week since he saw Jihoon who saved him the other day. For some reason, he is clouded by guilty feelings for the younger.

He needs to apologize to him.

It is Saturday night when Jeonghan was coming out from the convenience store with a can of beer in his hand and ran into Jihoon who looks pretty flustered.

“Jihoon!” He calls with a cheerful tone and wide eyes.

“ J-Jeonghan, How are you?”

Without warning, Jeonghan jumps to hug Jihoon and the latter is shocked by his sudden behavior. “Thank you, Jihoon!”

His small hands crawl at the back of Jeonghan to hug him back and he slowly pats. “For what?”

Jeonghan tightens his embrace to emphasize his implement of gratitude. “For saving me! Seungcheol told me you were the one who pulled me before the car hit me.”

Jihoon was about to pull away when something unusual caught his attention. “Jeonghan, where is your lily? Where’s your flower?”

Hearing that, Jeonghan slowly backs away and drops his head on the ground before speaking. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“It has gone, I don’t know when. It suddenly disappeared.”

“When?”

“The night after you saved me, in the hospital.”

Jihoon’s furrows deepen as he knits his brows together- trying to decipher the situation which led to the disappearance of the tattoo. He takes a look at Jeonghan who remains silent and he feels pain inside him not knowing the reason as if he has failed to accomplish something.

_“He was destined to die that day before you came and saved him. His death was finalized by the deity but you’re his guardian angel who didn’t have any idea about the future. His pure symbolism for his significant other has disappeared because he was meant to die on that day.”_

After his class has ended, Jeonghan went to the library to tutor his junior, Haneul. Once arriving, he is welcomed by a sweet smile of Haneul and sits opposite him.

“Hyung, how are you?” Jeonghan shots his head at the unexpected question and lifts his brow together.

Haneul stares at the older, a little wary but proceeds anyway. “I heard you were admitted at a hospital, you fainted and almost get hit by a car.”

Jeonghan masks his nervousness by a small laugh. “It wasn’t serious. Nothing to worry.”

“Take care of yourself more, hyung.” Jeonghan stops his fingers from flipping the pages once he hears that concerning voice. Mr. Ahn also said the same but he didn’t tell about the accident issue to that old man. He doesn’t want to make that old man who barely has time to rest to worry over his self-centered behavior.

With that, they proceed to do their business. Since Haneul is a quick learner, Jeonghan seems doesn’t have to worry about him. Time passes and when Jeonghan checks his watch, it shows sharp 4 in the evening. Haneul is still jotting down some notes and grabbing the chance, Jeonghan stretches his arm in the air and arches his back as he yawns. Usually, he isn’t like this- getting sleepy in the fine evening but now he is trying his best to fight the urge to rest his head on the table or just to close his eyes for a few minutes. His eyes are burning as it seems watery and he can’t stop himself from letting out yawns after yawns.

Before he even realizes what he can do, he feels a sudden comfort around him- something safe and secure.

And after that, everything falls into a serene silence and the sound of rustling winds heard like a lullaby for him so he eventually puts his head on the wooden table which his cheeks find a little coldness and turns into warmth minutes later.

_In his mind, it seems beautiful._

He feels so warm and time is still running. Hearing a soft sound of breathing next to him, he slowly cracks his eyes open as he adjusts to the brightness while a small whimper escapes his mouth. Ah, this again. No matter where he goes but once he opens his eyes, this person will be next to him as that smile will make his heart to pump a little fast than normal rate and now he is feeling the same. He is wearing a pale pink flannel with a white plain shirt beneath it and paired with a sky blue pant.

Choi Seungcheol. He is sitting next to him as he rests his head on his folded elbow which is placed on the table and smiling so fondly that Jeonghan wants to peck on his twitched perfect lips so badly.

Wait.

Peck? He wants to steal a kiss from Seungcheol? He must have lost his marbles.

“Why you are always there when I’m sleeping?” Seungcheol shrugs and settles into small chuckles, making Jeonghan to smile as well.

“Maybe, I love watching you asleep. You look like those angels which my mom always tells me about. So pure, so beautiful, so innocent,” Jeonghan feels like there is a hole in his stomach and his heart might drop and come out from there.

Seungcheol let out a smile again as he fixes his gaze on Jeonghan and continues, “I can watch you all day long, Jeonghan. If you let me, I can do whatever you want. Protect you, watch over you, and tell you how you look every day,”

He pauses after realizing that he is saying absurd to which Jeonghan seems tense. However, the younger turns to right to face Seungcheol properly as he can’t stop fidgeting with his fingers. Bubbles are clogging in his chest and he can vaguely hear the sound of the bubbles popping inside him and seeing Seungcheol like this, watching him so fondly with that warm gaze while saying beautiful words makes him to lean closer and closer until there is no space left between them.

Why does this guy whom he met several times can make him feel different emotions that he has never experienced before? Around him, unknowingly, he feels safe as if there is a person for him other than Mr. Ahn. Someone is so magical.

“Jeonghan?” Seungcheol snaps him back from his wandering mind.

“Hmm?”

“Why do you look so lost?” Jeonghan melts again at that soft voice.

“Seungcheol, my...flower, it has gone…” Seungcheol looks shocked once he hears that.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, after the accident, the lily has gone. It disappeared; it is no more on my neck.” Jeonghan scratches his nape and avoids Seungcheol’s eyes.

Without waiting for Jeonghan’s other words, Seungcheol pulls him close to him by grabbing his both wrists until Jeonghan’s forehead hits Seungcheol’s collarbones. Surprised, Jeonghan takes in his sweet scent as if he wants to keep the fragrance of Seungheol which smells like a mix of fresh flowers, sandalwood, and peach. The older brushes Jeonghan’s a bit longer hair which covers the back of his neck to check if what he said is true. His fingers crawl on the soft skin where the yellow lily was there before. Seungcheol is lost of word when Jeonghan reacts as if nothing happened.

“Han, were you crying because of this? That day?” Jeonghan nods as they pull away from each other but his hands are still in Seungcheol’s hold.

“Is it because I couldn’t find my soulmate so the flower has gone? It has expiration date,” Seungcheol just squeezes his hand and listens to him.

“Or is it because my soulmate has died? The one that should be staying with me has found other person or I don’t even have one?”

Seungcheol’s eyes run all over Jeonghan’s face to find something that can soothe him but he finds nothing but a soft and small moving lip in deep shade of pink. His palm climbs onto Jeonghan’s cheek and gently rubs his thumb against it. Jeonghan stops talking but stares deep into the older as he leans into the touch of delicate hand that is holding his cheek.

_At that moment, the undestined distinct souls were found in a lingering._

So, Jeonghan leans his face closer slowly and he swears that he notices Seungcheol also closing his eyes in that slightest moment before he closes his eyes as well.

“We, can’t do this.” Seungcheol says and in an instant, Jeonghan freezes at his action. He is still a breath away from the older but the latter decides to put a distance between them by standing up. Jeonghan is lost but he is not daring enough to look at Seungcheol after what happened just now. Without saying anything, Jeonghan turns around and pulls his feet off the ground on the chair as he quietly buries his chin into his knees as if Seungcheol doesn’t see it.

“Let’s go.” Seungcheol shakes his shoulder but he just hums to it.

“I’ll come later,”

“It’s almost 7 and the librarian will close the library at 7:30. Let’s go, I’ll walk you home.”

He packs his stuffs and silently tags behind Seungcheol and shuts down what his heart wanted a moment ago. He is so embarrassed that he can feel his ears are burning and he prays Seungcheol will not notice his reddened ears. Walking towards the bus station, Seungcheol sees fish cake stall which sits at the crossing of two smaller streets and nudges Jeonghan who is partially zoned out. He feels bad for what he did so he wants to comfort this younger in any way possible.

“Let’s eat that,” Jeonghan agrees and once they reach the stall, he is delighted to find out that the place also serves udon- his favorite. They sit at an open place where night breeze welcomes them. They didn’t talk after placing their orders but Jeonghan takes out his phone and fiddles with it while Seungcheol drifts his eyes into the busy streets. Vehicles are passing by, people are either crossing the road or chit chats with their partners and there is some busy checking their phones instead of paying attention on the busy road which can be also dangerous. Swiftly, Seungcheol’s eyes descend on Jeonghan’s bony fingers which are tapping on the device on his hold and he cracks a secret sweet smile which Jeonghan missed to look at. Although Seungceol knew what Jeonghan wanted to offer earlier at the library, he can’t accept it even when his heart anticipated for it to happen. Something poked his consciousness and now he ends up regretting for his action. The lady come and serves their food on the table and before leaving she shares a smile with them.

It is beautiful, when people smile at you- that is what Seungcheol thinks.

Jeonghan quickly digs in and slurps the udon after blowing it. He misses this taste which has always been his favorite. It has been a long time since he ate udon and the last time heate was on the night he met Seungcheol. Reminiscing it, Jeonghan pauses in his slurps and lifts his gaze to meet Seungcheol who is busy chewing the fish cakes. A noodle is dangling out of his pursued mouth while the hot soup is dribbling down his chin. He always forgot to look into who Seungcheol is actually since the latter’s presence has always been a mystery for him from the first time their gazes met.

“What?” Seungcheol lifts his forehead which causes wrinkles to be seen after noticing an odd stare from Jeonghan.

“N-nothing,” Flustered, Jeonghan continues eating and eventually finishes the meal. After having their dinner together, they decided to walk to digest their food as they get the chance to inhale the fresh air. Walking side by side in the streets makes Jeonghan to feel weird but at the same time calmness engulfs him.

“Jeonghan, may I ask you something?” Jeonghan nods without looking at him as he kicks a tiny stone on the pavement.

“Do you have any enemies?” Jeonghan snaps at his question and muttered a confused ‘huh’

Seungcheol retreats his question into something logical. “I mean like, do you know anyone who could harm you in any way? The accident that day didn’t seem like either coincident or natural. It is obvious that there is someone after you, Jeonghan.”

“How could you assume like that? You weren’t even there.”

Seungcheol stops in his pace and so does Jeonghan. “Jihoon told me. He said the car was purposely aiming at you. By the time you crossed the road that was when the car was driven towards you. Jeonghan, tell me.” Seungcheol has thought about it after Jihoon told him. It is for Jeonghan’s safety. He can’t just sit back after knowing Jeonghan’s life could be in danger and he needs to know the identity of the person who is drawing the line of fear in the life of the younger.

“You’re over thinking, Seungcheol. It is my fault that I crossed when the green light turned red.” He lies. He knows whose work was it but he doesn’t want to tell it to Seungcheol. He doesn’t want to drag the older into his life even more and risking his life to be in danger. They’re nothing than friends which Jeonghan also can’t be sure of. By the time they arrive at Jeonghan’s house, Jeonghan has successfully dodged the question. Groping for the keys in his bag, Jeonghan climbs the concrete stairs at his doorway while Seungcheol calls him at behind.

“Jeonghan…” Seungcheol just blankly stares at the back figure of the younger and sighs. Jeonghan’s back looks chaste since his flower has gone. Seungcheol’s eyes trace the line that follows the neck of Jeonghan down to his slump shoulder and back to the soft skin on his nape. It is so pale yet creamy which seems alive and Seungcheol is refraining from placing his mouth against it. He still remembers the first time he kissed Jeonghan’s nape and the taste, the scented warmth and the delicacy are still tingling inside him. Unconsciously, his feet are behind Jeonghan’s. He is a stair away from Jeonghan, matching their heights and if Jeonghan turns now-

“Seungcheol, where do-“ Jeonghan stumbles back once he turns his body at Seungcheol’s face which is suddenly an inch away from his but luckily the latter holds his wrists before he could hit the back of his head against the wooden door. Breath is practically stuck in both of their mouths and Jeonghan’s cheeks are now looking like ripe tomatoes while Seungcheol’s whole face is in deep shade of red. The older one was the first one to let go the wrist of the younger and steps down as he fakes a cough. Jeonghan seems like rooted on the ground and after realizing the situation, he can’t stop his eyes from drifting its way to Seungcheol’s red mouth.

“I was j-just checking your nape, there w-was dirt or something,” Seungcheol stutters out any possible excuse that will get through Jeonghan’s head but the latter is still looking at him, unfazed.

“Jeonghan, breathe.” Seungcheol steps up again and shakes Jeonghan’s shoulder in order to snap him into reality and just then the latter tears his gaze away from the older and enters his house, leaving an astounded Seungcheol alone outside. Before Seungcheol could turn his back and walk away from there, he hears the door clicking open and when he turns, Jeonghan is standing at the doorway- looking at him with a wary expression yet so soft and Seungcheol regrets for the third time.

“Get home safe,” Was what Jeonghan said to him and that night for him was the blissful.

_“Choi Seungcheol, that world is forbidden for us. We are uncertain souls, wandering in dark to find nothing but to guide dead souls to their afterlife realm. There is a fine line between both worlds and you’ve crossed it numerous times. Do you aware of your sins?”_

_“I was punished for that. I am now a half human.”_

_“You neglected your responsibilities, Choi Seungcheol. You are trying to save him. We are reapers and we aren’t allowed to do such things that is opposite of our real business.”_

_“Forgive me, I must return to his side.”_

_I am a tragic soul existed in a place where I don’t have recollection of my past life. Every day is a torturous day for me. Stuck in between hell and heaven, there is neither other exit nor joy found in it. Yet, I lived. I don’t even know if I am a living soul, I just exist and I doubt everything that unfolds. It is my fate, to be in this place where everyone is lost and I have to guide them, to witness the pain. I don’t have any rights to complain, the deity decided this destiny for me as a tremendous punishment for killing my guardian angel who has loved me with all his heart beat._

**_‘Ring! Ring! Ring!”_ **

****

A loud ringtone sounds in the quiet room, stirring Jeonghan to wake lazily. He gropes under his pillow but his phone isn’t found. He turns his body and lays flat on his back as he groans out of frustration. Clenching his eye shut, his hand crawls on the night stand and brings the phone against his ear after accepting the call.

“Jeonghan? Jeonghan are you there? Jeonghan, are you alright? Are you at home? Why you didn’t tell me you were hold in a ward? Jeonghan,” He already knows who is the caller without looking at the screen but listening to the sudden throwing questions.

He sits up and runs his finger along with his messy hair but still with closed eyes. “Mr. Ahn, I’m alright.”

His voice is still hoarse and he is lazy to speak in the morning especially as soon as he wakes up. “Jeonghan, I’m coming over later. Be at home.”

Now, his eyes fly open. “Mr. Ahn, no! Don’t come! I m-mean, I’ll go to you.”

Entering their usual meet up place, a very familiar scent of freshly baked pastries stroke his nose and he proceeds to walk further to find Mr. Ahn sitting at the middle table, not very far from the exit door. His stomach starts growling since he flashes here once he woke and showered. He slides on the wooden chair comfortably and rather awkward when Mr. Ahn smiles at him.

“How are you going to tell me?” The old man’s stern voice startles him.

“It’s nothing. I just fainted because of shock and I’m good now. I don’t even have injuries. I’m perfectly fine.”

Mr. Ahn sips his coffee before starting his speech. “You fainted, Jeonghan! And because of what? You’re tired; you aren’t following up any of my advices and still continuing to be a brat. If you’ve decided that this is how you’re going to live your life, I mean nothing to you! You were almost got hit by a car and still have the nerve to act like this at me. Fine! Whatever you’re going to do, I don’t care anymore. Just do what you want, be reckless, or die!”

Every word spits out from his mouth is like an arrow stroking his chest but he ignores that as he stays silent and calmly stares at Mr. Ahn who is now, looking into distance after letting out his anger. He drops his head and shakes it a little slowly and sighs, a very tired one.

“I’m sorry, Jeonghan. I just want you to be well. Is that so hard for you? I’m asking it on your behalf, for you to do it for your own self.” His voice has slowed down but Jeonghan is still staying mute.

“Mr. Ahn,” He starts, eyes are hesitant and mouth is not ready to tell the truth of the night. He is having an inner battle whether to come clean to Mr. Ahn about he was about to get killed on that night or dodge his initial intention. “I will.” Is what he comes up with, earning a satisfied smile from the man whose wrinkles have become more obvious. After Mr. Ahn leaves, Jeonghan stays on the same spot, not even budging an inch. If it wasn’t because of Jihoon, he could have died and wouldn’t have existed in this coffee shop at this moment. Actually, he found out something on that night. It was vague but he is sure, after numerous time of trying his best to remember everything.

It seems ridiculous to him, he even tried to deny it but here he is- jumbling up everything to make it make sense. That night was cold, extremely cold but when Jihoon pulled him out of the way, he was wrapped into something soft, light, and warm. It was white in color, Jeonghan has pictured it. Jihoon was calling his name and light casting behind him and something was spread behind him widely. He thought it was all a dream but not when he hugged Jihoon that day and felt the same thing. He saw that light again. When they had a conversation on the campus, where he said his blue rose tattoo seemed like a wing of an angel, Jihoon looked defenseless.

“Jihoon is an angel?”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope people will look forward to this fiction and for everyone who reads, thank you so much :))))


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